Friday, April 8, 2011

Day 18, Week 3: Remember to keep at it during weight fluctuations!

So, today was really weird because I couldn't get to sleep at ALL last night and by the time I did it was so god damn late at night I was so exhausted and pissed off. So, I didn't wake up until like 5 or 5:30 PM which is like HORRENDOUS. I can't believe I'm not even awake when it's light out anymore and it's starting to really depress me, but my sleeping problem has gotten so out of hand there is nothing I can do to solve it. I really feel like I've tried everything, but nothing is working. I should probably be seeing a doctor about it, but I can't both because I have no money/insurance and I'm trans and GOD knows what I would go through trying to see a doctor anywhere around here. Anyways, it's starting to get to be something I can't seem to fix. There isn't a sleep aid that helps without giving me terrible nightmares, and there is no other relief from this unless I decide to smoke pot, and of course I'm not about to start smoking pot. (Both because of the weight gain and the fact that I can't stand the smell.) Oh well.

Onto my Food Journal since I'm seeming a bit too chatty:

Day 18, Week 3
07.04.11. Thursday

12:00 AM Snack
♥ 2 Jiffy blueberry muffins (320 calories)
♥ 8 fl. oz. of Smith's Vitamin D milk (150 calories)

Calorie subtotal: 470

4:00 AM Snack
♥ 1 scrambled egg sandwich (1 scrambled egg = about 90 calories, 2 slices of Nickel's white bread = 126 calories, and 1 tsp. of mayo = 45 calories, complete sandwich = 261 calories)
♥ 7/8's of a Kashi TLC "Trail Mix" chewy granola bar (around 125 calories)

Calorie subtotal: 856

Morning weigh-in: 214.8 lbs.

6:30 PM Dinner @ IHOP
♥ 3 20 fl. oz. glasses of water (0 calories!)
♥ a house salad w/ buttermilk ranch dressing (salad = 90 calories, dressing = 290 calories, total salad w/ dressing = 380 calories)
♥ half of a pot roast melt (530 calories)

Calorie subtotal: 1766

8:00 PM Snack
♥ 2 small lemon bars by Krusteaz (found at Walmart)(160 calories apiece, 2 for 320 calories)
♥ 8 fl. oz. of Smith's Vitamin D milk (150 calories)

Above: Lemon bars after they were finished cooking and chilling in the fridge. Below: What my plate looked like before digging in! They were absolutely delicious!

Calorie total: 2236
Bedtime weigh-in: 214.8 lbs.

NOTES: I went severely over-calorie but I was legitimately hungry even after eating at IHOP and had to restrain myself from eating more. Then again, when we arrived home, I started doing dishes and started taking care of the house. I did dishes for two hours, then I took a shower, then I mopped our upstairs bathroom, and finally finished the night with doing laundry and folding it. So maybe I burned off what I ate? Let's see thanks to calorie calculations...

My intake for today: 2236
Calorie I burned: 3190 (Information from here.)
Calories burned after subtracting calories eaten: 954
Meaning that I burned what I ate, and then burned 954 calories off of my weight. Which would explain why I am still hungry...that's almost 1/4-1/3 of a pound worth of calories, aside from the calories I ate today.

I don't know how or why my calories went so out of hand. I guess it had to do with eating at IHOP, but we got up so late that my boyfriend's dad barely had time to eat, let alone wait for us to cook so that he could get some more sleep in before he went to work. That and today was Joji's mom's dad's birthday. (He's dead but she kind of wanted to go out to eat in a kind of celebration...)

Don't forget not to get too down on yourself if you intake too many calories and to always double check with your calories burned to make sure you didn't ACTUALLY gain a pound. Because today I ate A LOT, but I also burned it off and then some. So don't go worrying your little head and giving up so easily!

When you gain a pound, remember that the ones you lost were once gained too and that you can lose it. I've had a lot of hardship that's led me to very irrational behavior (i.e. some crash dieting), and that isn't ANY good for your body at all. You need to always leave room for some mistakes in your diet and your life in general.

Well, goodnight!


  1. I'm sure you've probably tried this before, but I know some relaxation techniques that might be worth a shot.
    It's mostly about being very, very focused, mostly about what you feel, on your skin, on your fingertips when you move your hand, in your lungs and throughout every muscle when you breathe.... etc etc. At the same time, with each breath, you imagine yourself weightless, and letting each individual muscle in your body completely relax, from your toes up to your head. Other than being rather time-consuming if you do it right (or multiple times over, as I sometimes do), it really does relax you, so you at least get to just rest, even if you still can't /sleep/.
    If you do try it, good luck! I've only ever had pretty mild insomnia but I'm sure worse sleep disturbances are even more of a bitch.

    Also why the hell is everyone but me getting IHOP lately XD I'm so jealous of everyone.

    One of your fishies is stuck in the corner and won't come out even when I poke at him with food :<

  2. @hyperdelirium I think it's really hard for my mind to focus on anything when I lie still. I'm not sure why it is, but I do know that it has been happening since I was a child. I've had a LOT happen in my small little life, and find my mind wanders often. I can try to focus, but it doesn't last long usually. Sometimes I use a small phrase to quiet myself when it's too intense but I toss and turn no matter what. Oh well.

    Haha I'm not quite sure about that one so I suppose you should grab yourself a pancake soon.

    And that's sad! Well, they seem to be a little slow sometimes, but that's alright. (I think I feed my fishies when I can't feed me but want to nom.)